Contrary to widespread opinion, age does not determine us. We can depend less on someone else’s gaze and rejoice in the time that we have. Anthropologist Mark Ozhe shares his view of aging.
Why did you start thinking about old age?
Mark Ozhe: Because I have been living for a long time! So this topic interests me. Aging, we are faced with a paradox – we have to recognize the harsh reality of numbers, although we do not feel changes in ourselves.
I do not think that we can draw conclusions about the image of a person’s thoughts by his age
Other factors are important – sometimes a man of middle -aged, but cheerful, but sometimes also young, but not at all cheerful. So you cannot identify age with diseases and weakness, although, of course, old age always ends poorly.
All people are aging and getting sick differently, and the matter is not only at the age. This does not mean that I deny the reality of age or do not ask the question of what it means ..
Is it possible not to pay attention to your age?
It is difficult to live in society and completely abstract from your age. After all, there is a social dimension: “adulthood”, “pension” … At some point, these restrictions overtake us.
In this regard, people of mental work have an advantage – they, in essence, do not retire. They can, maintaining mental activity, avoid too harsh pressure of the past years.
As for the people of creative, primarily artists, then, in my opinion, the truly great among them are those whose game follows their age-for example, Jeanne Moro, Jean-Louis Trentignan … There is something soothing, some kind of soothing in thisthe constancy and fidelity of life – no one could replace them.
Our age is first of all – in the eyes of the watching?
There is something in someone else’s gaze that sends us to our age, reminds us of him. When I feel such a look on myself, I have to think it over, I don’t believe.
I do not think that age and time are things of the same order
In essence, age is a series of years, an irreversible advance forward, in which there is social pressure, and time is a wider concept. It can be an imaginary future, and the memory of the past, and a mixture of both. Time is freedom, and age is, on the contrary, our framework, boundaries. In fact, there is no old age.
Which means “does not exist”?
Old age exists, because we live it, but it does not predetermine either our state of mind or special wisdom that would allow us to look at the world serene. The description of a person as an old is partly an external impression, social convention.
It’s not about denying age or death
If we have any obligations to each other, they consist precisely to stop determining each other through age. In an ideal society, we would all be equal. Not that we were all the same, but at least equal in the face of old age.
I am very worried that they sometimes treat old people as with small children. Of course, first of all, this applies to those who are already very weak, but this side of old age really depresses me. An increase in the average life expectancy also inspires the alarm – we are afraid of addiction and disease … There is a paradox in this – we live longer, this chance is given to us, but in society it creates inconvenience.
It turns out that we agree to old age only if it looks like youth?
Looking younger than his years – everyone’s dream. But even in this case, the problems do not disappear, they simply appear later. Living in accordance with age means to perceive life tragically, as an inexorable rock. But living in accordance with time means just living. Time – supple matter.
When we talk about time, we do not think about who we become, but we want to understand who we are
It is believed that the attitude to old age depends on the culture to which we belong, but in all cultures the attitude towards age is quite harsh. Modern society delayed the payment fee, but only delays, and not cancel. A mature person in good shape inspires respect, but only for a while. So the rejection of the society of the elderly is a universal rule.
You say that life does
not end with old age ..
Certainly! Of course, death is ahead, but if I get old, I still live. This is encouraging … When you think about time and old age, you understand that the question of death is generally a false question. It would be wisdom to enjoy the time, play with him like a cat, not thinking about age.
In your opinion, age is not a constant value?
I felt that I was old when I was thirty, but then this feeling passed. Since then, thoughts about it have not returned to me. I had the opportunity to travel, write, think. These classes stretch time.
Sometimes we are simply rid of the need to think about age
For example, when we enter the group on equal terms with all the rights, say, in the choir or in the theater studio. This gives a kind of liberation. In such cases, the issue of age simply does not arise, it ceases to be decisive, and in this sense it does not exist.
Living a full -fledged life means living without looking back at age, not paying attention to his requirements. In the end, everyone dies young, and this always happens too early.
“I was 66 when I started a new romance”
Anna, 75 years old
“My husband died 10 years ago. We lived together almost the whole conscious life, more than forty years old. For a while it seemed to me that my life stopped and there would be nothing further ..
Once I cut my hair briefly, and then I wanted to become a redhead. The thought was wild, but I thought: why not? Who will forbid me?
In our youth and in maturity, we somehow compromise in order to get along with others. But after seventy this is not necessary – just there is no need. I don’t want to win love anymore, I do not compete, I do not prove anything to anyone. I left the game and look as if from the side.
In forty, I thought that I would no longer have new friends, but they still appear. Among them there are my peers, and there are much younger – but in friendship age is not important, common values are important. And old friendship is even more precious.
Soon after my husband’s death, I had a novel. With a man whom I knew before – but not close. Met by accident and literally rushed to each other in the arms. We wanted to feel the warmth of another person nearby.
This did not last long. I interrupted the relationship: he could not become the only one in my life, I could not live with him under the same roof, the memory of my husband, my usual way I mean too much for me! But I am grateful to him. I was pleased to make sure that I was able to feel like a woman, a living woman. Other men – including young ones – still show interest in me. And I like it “.